Pricey Abby: Can I flip my again on my father, a bully who all the time cuts me down?


DEAR ABBY: I can’t stand being round my dad. I really like my mother, however not respect her as a result of she stays married to him. He’s a narcissistic bully. My brother agrees. My dad and mom and I dwell in the identical city and get collectively for holidays, birthdays and different occasions. My brother lives out of state.

I grew up with Playboy magazines mendacity round the home, watching my father ogle ladies and touch upon their our bodies, together with mine. He shamed us consistently in entrance of others and thought it was humorous. After I lastly discovered my voice, he referred to as me a b- – – -. He isn’t supportive and by no means hesitates to inform me how I’m doing one thing improper. He yells at my canines and my youngsters for being canines/youngsters.

I might like to not see him once more, however he’s my dad, and my mother loves him. I don’t need to purchase him presents or playing cards on his particular days as a result of it’s insincere, however I discover myself doing it anyway. How do I deal with this and reconcile the battle I do know will ensue if I make myself completely satisfied? — STRUGGLING IN NEVADA

DEAR STRUGGLING: Typically strategic withdrawal is best than an argument. Cease exposing your youngsters and your pets to your abusive, hypercritical father’s rants, and in case your mom notices and asks why, be sincere together with her. See her individually if you want, however keep away from your father every time attainable. Should you should see him and he begins performing up, depart. Should you really feel you must present him “one thing” on his particular days, make it a generic card so you’ll really feel much less like a hypocrite. You should be completely satisfied, and in the event you observe my recommendation, I predict your youngsters can be happier, too.

DEAR ABBY: I misplaced my husband to COVID-19 5 months in the past. We had been married for 40 years. I liked him with all my coronary heart and all the time will. I met somebody via a courting web site who misplaced his spouse to most cancers a yr in the past. They had been married 37 years and, like me, he liked his mate dearly.

We every have grown youngsters. My daughter is aware of about him, however he hasn’t instructed his youngsters about me. We dwell three hours aside, and whereas doing work for his son, he drove an hour and a half to fulfill me and have lunch. I believed that was so good. We actually appeared to hit it off and need to be collectively.

Though I’m a grown lady and know what I would like, I have to know in the event you assume it’s applicable for me to think about being with this man and presumably shifting in with him after solely 5 months since my husband’s loss of life. — LONELY LADY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LONELY LADY: Though this man could have prospects, he nonetheless isn’t snug sufficient within the relationship to introduce you to his youngsters. And nowhere in your letter did you point out that he has talked concerning the concept of you shifting in with him. I believe you’re leaping the gun proper now, and though it isn’t too quickly to think about the probabilities, I don’t assume it is best to push.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teenagers have to learn about intercourse, medication, AIDS and getting together with friends and fogeys is in “What Each Teen Ought to Know.” Ship your identify and mailing handle, plus test or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Pricey Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Field 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Transport and dealing with are included within the value.)

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